Pretending ain't easy. i've tried to pretend to myself about my feeling for a long time but it doesn't work. and 2 days ago is 12 December 2010 which means that it's offically a year since he greet me. i know it sounds unimportant for you, but for me, it means a lot. i was thinking "what will i do today?" "will i go to pim today and re-do everything that i did a year ago?" sound so lame. it won't change anything. that day will not come again. it only happens once. then i was like "okay then, let me just read my really old chat history with him." but then again, i realized, my chat history with him has gone with no reason. i searched in recycle bin too and it wasn't there. haha. maybe Allah made some great plans for me. and maybe it's better to not to read it. and yeah, i wasn't trying to search it.. but, i did some lame, useless, worthless, and wasting-time things. i downloaded like tons of love songs. play it over and over again till some water came out from my eyes. i did that thing from 9:00 am till 11:00 pm. what a stupid bitch.. then i was like going emo for the whole day yeah (//_-).
Then today, 14 December '10, now, 1:02 am, i'm thinking to search my history chat with him. so, i've made my decision. i won't stop till i finish it. so i'm searching like an hour then i found it. bam! at first, i was afraid to open and read it, but then, i was like "u've searched this like for an hour and you don't even brave enough to open it????" then i opened it. read it. and.. tears came down from my eyes(8). and a little laugh too, lol. when i read it, i got some things; first, it was January '10 when i still have my bestfriends to chat with me at 12:01 am till morning. when there are still conversation room for me, syira, athiya, and him. i miss that thing so much. the fact that now, syira's gone(not gone die, but gone means leave *sigh*) me with her korean thingy, and him, he might be not remember me again. ''who are you?" these are first words that gonna come out when i'll greet him, maybe. and athiya, she's still there. still with me. perhaps she's the only one who isn't leave or change. and second, i was just too stupid. so stupid till i can't explain anything.
15 January 2010 was the last time he talked to me. the nice way, i mean. yeah we talked a little bit after that day, but he's so.. being like douche. there's no hope again. and maybe, he's not the one. there are lot of boys out there, go outside and find the right one, han! :) sorry for curhat, cause i have no one to talk to right now. School tomorrow, so i gotta go to sleep. toodles! xxo
Then today, 14 December '10, now, 1:02 am, i'm thinking to search my history chat with him. so, i've made my decision. i won't stop till i finish it. so i'm searching like an hour then i found it. bam! at first, i was afraid to open and read it, but then, i was like "u've searched this like for an hour and you don't even brave enough to open it????" then i opened it. read it. and.. tears came down from my eyes(8). and a little laugh too, lol. when i read it, i got some things; first, it was January '10 when i still have my bestfriends to chat with me at 12:01 am till morning. when there are still conversation room for me, syira, athiya, and him. i miss that thing so much. the fact that now, syira's gone(not gone die, but gone means leave *sigh*) me with her korean thingy, and him, he might be not remember me again. ''who are you?" these are first words that gonna come out when i'll greet him, maybe. and athiya, she's still there. still with me. perhaps she's the only one who isn't leave or change. and second, i was just too stupid. so stupid till i can't explain anything.
15 January 2010 was the last time he talked to me. the nice way, i mean. yeah we talked a little bit after that day, but he's so.. being like douche. there's no hope again. and maybe, he's not the one. there are lot of boys out there, go outside and find the right one, han! :) sorry for curhat, cause i have no one to talk to right now. School tomorrow, so i gotta go to sleep. toodles! xxo
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